The Oscars are tonight, just in case you'd forgotten, and in my preparation for an all-night coffee binge I thought I'd rank the best picture nominees, from rubbish to least-rubbish.
#8: The Big Short
For some reason, a bunch of critics who I follow and respect have totally praised the crap out of this weird comedy-true story-drama hybrid. (At least, all bar P-Bradz.) I thought it was underwhelming: a few good jokes aside, the film mostly settled for being patronising, the guy who made Anchorman pretty much reading aloud from Michael Lewis' book for 130 minutes. The knockabout tone (it's filmed like an episode of The Office) then awkwardly switches gear into mawkish moralising when the shit hits the fan, and it feels completely unnatural. But hey, what do I know? Apparently it's one of the frontrunners for the big prize. God help us.
What will likely be the big winner of the night, it's true that this story of man's tendency to disagree with all things bear has a savage power in its super-realistic scenes of snow and bloodshed. But it's also a bit wanky and pretentious, as Iñárritu often is, and would have benefited by shaving off an hour here and there. Still, there ain't no stopping the DiCaprio, who hopefully will spend his acceptance speech eating another buffalo liver, live on stage, just for the LOLs.
#6: The Martian
An entertaining if lightweight film about comradeship, the future of space travel, and Matt Damon's poo, it's a little perplexing that it's been given a seat at the big boys table. But then again, it's a resolutely old-fashioned Hollywood picture that affirms the positive aspects of the human spirit, which, alongside things about class struggle and repressed white guys, the Academy gobbles up like maltesers. Though for me, it loses serious points by NOT BEING CAROL.
#5: Room
Lenny Abrahamson's adaptation of Emma Donoghue's novel is surprisingly effective, particularly in its first hour, confined to the titular location. The second hour's pretty good, too, though its overpowering score and diversions into sentimental melodrama occasionally threaten to overwhelm. Good thing, then, that Brie Larson and newcomer Jacob Tremblay both turn in powerhouse performances, grounding everything in a properly convincing mother-child relationship. As much as I liked Blanchett and Rampling, I'm okay with the fact that Larson is practically guaranteed a win.
#4: Brooklyn
I'm going to be honest, I haven't seen this film yet. But the trailer looks really nice and it's got Saoirse Roman and Domhnall Gleeson in it, so I'll pop it in a neutral position and move on.
#3: Bridge of Spies
We take Steven Spielberg for granted sometimes. He comes along and makes a classy, rich, and properly exciting period piece that, in another year, could have been an awards frontrunner. Instead, most of us sort of shrugged like hey, what else was he gonna do, make a bad film? At least Mark Rylance'll win something - though if he's beaten by Rocky Balboa, I might just stab someone.
#2: Spotlight
Tom McCarthy's journo-drama was marketed as prime Oscar bait: true story, talented ensemble cast, a struggle against the odds, a boring promotional picture (above), the works. Truth is, it's a lot smarter than all of that - and might be one of the best investigative journalism films ever made. Bullshit drama and liberties with the truth are dispensed with in order to make the gut-churningly dark story (whose outcome we know, but forget we know) all the more gripping. Keaton, Ruffalo, McAdams, and the other one are all great, but it's Lieb Schrieber who steals the show as the quiet editor with absolute moral conviction. For it to lose to something like The Big Short would be nothing short of a travesty.
#1: Mad Max: Fury Road
How the shit did this make it into the Best Picture nominees? Genuinely one of the most gleefully insane films of the past 20 years, whose oil-spitting, tires-crunching action is enrichened by its surprise feminist bite, it might signal that the taboo surrounding action films (and comedies, and science-fiction films, and horror films...) at awards season is slowly being lifted. Or maybe it's an outlier. The latter is more likely. But we can hope.
