Imagine if Adam McKay, the director of Anchorman and Step Brothers, tried to make Margin Call.
★★
Saturday, 23 January 2016
REVIEW: The Big Short
Imagine if Adam McKay, the director of Anchorman and Step Brothers, tried to make Margin Call.
★★
Tuesday, 12 January 2016
REVIEW: The Hateful Eight
Me and Quentin Tarantino have had a tricky relationship, see. I want to like his stuff. I really do. I remember how good those first two were, and if he'd spent the next part of career trying to re-capture that magic, I might have been more sympathetic. But no: Quentin decided to disappear up his own arse, and make films that interested him and him alone. Hey, how cool are samurai movies, huh? Aren't grimy explotation movies, like, awesome? What if I made a movie where a bunch of dudes killed Hitler? Wouldn't that be totally out there? The problem is, Quentin Tarantino has proved to be such an obnoxious bellend in person that his worst films are like being stuck in a room with him for two hours, as he splutters about his latest theory that Batman is a metaphor for the industrial revolution or something. He forgot there were other people listening, and became obsessed with the sound of his own voice.
I'm not saying that's all changed. But in 2012, he made Django Unchained. As a film, it was a little bloated (read: too fucking long) and had a few other, recurring problems (enough with the cameos), but it was mostly entertaining, filled with great performances, and said some interesting things about slave narratives. In the same vein, The Hateful Eight - while far from a masterpiece - is the first film of his in a long time that I'd say, without any kind of qualifying statement, I liked.
Actually, that's not true. There's a few things wrong with it. It is self-indulgent - the entire cinema cringed in unison when "The 8th Film from Quentin Tarantino" came up - and it's far too long. But I was surprised to admit that what I thought would annoy me ended up doing the exact opposite. Both an overture and an intermission could be unnecessary, but Tarantino makes full use of them to draw you into his atmospheric and strangely mature story. The former, in particular, sets the mood brilliantly, making full use of Ennio Morricone's "ghetto" score to amp up the dread. We're in a desolate Wyoming, somewhere between The Searchers and The Thing, where DEATH might as well be spelled out in 50-foot-high letters - there's one great shot of a stone statue of Jesus Christ, atop a crucifix, in a spasm of pain, and the camera stays there for a hauntingly long period of time.
The film follows John "Hangman" Ruth (Kurt Russell), who's captured notorious outlaw Daisy Domergue (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and is determined to collect her $10,000 bounty. Standing in his way are six others - Marquis Warren (Samuel L. Jackson), a former Union soldier and suspected war criminal; Chris Mannix (Walton Goggins), a somewhat demented sheriff-to-be; Bob (Demián Bichir), not characterised much beyond being Mexican; Oswald Mobray (Tim Roth), a posh British hangman; Joe Gage (Michael Madsen), a shifty-looking cowboy; and Sanford Smithers (Bruce Dern), a cranky ex-Confederate general - all of whom form a group of eight not-particularly-pleasant-people (gosh, I wish there was a better way to say that). They're all forced to hole up together in a bar when a blizzard comes along, and when it becomes clear that someone's working to free Daisy from the Hangman's clutches, the entire thing turns into an Agatha Christie story - albeit one with way more exploding heads, obvs.
Considering this film goes on for three hours - THREE HOURS - you'd expect the pace to sag. But actually, it all feels quite well-managed. Tarantino creates some actual characters this time to befit his incredible cast, and they build up a crackling rhythm between them as the film gets going. Jennifer Jason Leigh is very impressive as the film's sole female element, giving a powerful, empathetic presence to someone having to contend with a room full of gravely-voiced boys; and Samuel L. Jackson is on ripe, charismatic form as Warren, the kind of role that made him famous in the first place. But it's Walton Goggins who makes the strangest, funniest, strongest impression as Mannix - hardly surprising, considering he was quietly brilliant on Justified for about six years, so here's hoping he'll become the film's breakout star.
What works is that none of the characters are idealised, they're all equally horrible, all representing some nasty facet of 18th Century (or maybe, if you're feeling generous, 21st Century) society. And dare I say that this film actually says something rather interesting in its violence? While the majority of the story is focused on trying to work out who's-doing-what-and-why, in sensational and dialogue-heavy fashion, there's a rich vein of absurdity hanging over the story, as well as some angry political provocations. We're in the shadow of the Civil War, the memory of its horrors giving us a dissonant moral vacuum where Hate, however irrational, prevails. And for what? Is there even a reason for all this to be happening? There's a constant reappearance of a letter from Abraham Lincoln, which is later revealed to be forged. It's like the film in microcosm - lies to disguise, to trick, to kill, all for nothing. Sure, it's no Fargo, no Wild Bunch. But it's the best film Tarantino has made in years. So there.
★★★★
If John Lewis made The Snowman...
...it would be an emotionally manipulative pile of shit like this.
Seriously, I'd be pretty fucked off if someone locked me in a fridge for 10 years.
Eight things we learned from the Golden Globes
1. Saying offensive things in a random order still isn't that funny
2. Celebrities are at their best when they're on drugs
3. Quentin Tarantino is still the whitest cringebag ever
4. People think Sly Stallone is a better actor than two-time Olivier Award winner Mark Rylance
5. I don't know who most of these people are
6. Leonardo DiCaprio still looks like someone inflated a baby
7. Nothing I do in my life will ever make Denzel Washington this proud
8. Sweet JESUS I'd forgotten how BORING awards shows are
If this is supposed to be "the fun one" then how am I going to make it through the BAFTAs?
2. Celebrities are at their best when they're on drugs
3. Quentin Tarantino is still the whitest cringebag ever
4. People think Sly Stallone is a better actor than two-time Olivier Award winner Mark Rylance
5. I don't know who most of these people are
6. Leonardo DiCaprio still looks like someone inflated a baby
7. Nothing I do in my life will ever make Denzel Washington this proud
8. Sweet JESUS I'd forgotten how BORING awards shows are
If this is supposed to be "the fun one" then how am I going to make it through the BAFTAs?
Monday, 4 January 2016
REVIEW: Joy
Fresh from making jokes about mental illness and reminding us that THE 70s EXISTED AND PEOPLE HAD BIG HAIR AND STUFF in Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle respectively, David O'Russell is back at it again with a sort-of-biopic based on the woman who invented the Miracle Mop. Somehow, it's one of his worst films yet - no easy feat - a mess of tonal inconsistencies, poor character development, and a misunderstanding of the fact that making an innocent woman suffer isn't a suitable shortcut for compelling drama (see also: Lars von Trier).
It's filled with this inappropriately wacky family drama - with people like Robert De Niro and Isabella Rossellini forgetting to convince us that their characters are real people - that was irritating back when it was done competently in I Heart Huckabees, but here suffers from acting in almost complete opposition to, um, what the film is apparently supposed to be about - a woman inventing a mop. It's like O'Russell got drunk and watched the first 30 minutes of The Royal Tenenbaums before passing out. The only bit which works is a more traditional sequence where the film's titular character Joy (Jennifer Lawrence) tries to sell a mop on QVC, and that only lasts about three minutes. In short: not enough mop-based action.
But all of this pales in comparison to the films biggest flaw, which involves the casting of Joy Mangano herself. Yes, I'm afraid our beloved J-Law just doesn't belong in this film, and isn't nearly as wonderful as everyone's saying she is. Let's try and break it down...
Here is a picture of Joy Mangano at around the time she first became popular.
Here is a picture of Jennifer Lawrence being charming on the Graham Norton show.
It's not a problem that they don't look like each other. It is a problem that Lawrence is having to play someone like Joy Mangano in the first place. Mangano was born in 1956, and first sold mops on QVC in 1992, making her about 36 years old. Jennifer Lawrence was born in 1990, and is 25 years old, even though she still looks about 19. "Now Sam," I hear you cry, "isn't that a bit trivial? David O'Russell has already said it's a mostly fictional biopic, with many characters and events plucked out of thin air. Surely as long as Lawrence captures Mangano's spirit, there's no real problem with that?"
Yes, that might be true. But when we're having to stomach the fact that Lawrence's character is divorced, with two kids, with apparently "no life" ahead of her after skipping college, we run into a bit of a problem, especially when she has to depict Joy in the later stages of her life, as a mid-40s matriarch with a successful business empire. Lawrence can be an unflinching Ozark Mountain girl, Lawrence can be a brave teenage resistance fighter, Lawrence can even get away with being a bipolar free spirit. But Lawrence is the furthest you can get from a matriarch. She's 25! She probably still eats her own bogies.
It sounds petty, but it's what sinks the entire ship. You never believe Joy is a real person. You never believe her family are real people. You never believe watching the film was really worth your time.
★★
Thursday, 31 December 2015
FEATURE: The Movie Bash Awards of 2015!
So. 2015, eh? What a year. Or was it? I never really like doing that thing of trying to sum up a year's trends neatly, with a bow on top, because inevitably it'll always be riddled with contradictions. For instance, you could say that 2015 was the year of flops, bad bets on people's money that didn't, ahem, Pan out. There were a few pretty good films that didn't deserve to flop, of course, like Crimson Peak and Steve Jobs, but most of them sucked - Rock the Kasbah, Fantastic Four, American Ultra, Mortdecai, to name but a few. But then Jurassic World, Spectre and Star Wars: The Force Awakens broke box-office records and made a fuckton of money, showing that, nope, Hollywood ain't dead yet. And I'll be damned if one of the best films this year wasn't just a summer blockbuster, but a part of a franchise: I'm talking about Mad Max: Fury Road, which I LOVED, even if I didn't get around to reviewing it.
There were some great documentaries, there were some great independent films, and there were some truly wonderful works of animation. But were there any real trends? I suppose one of the big ones was the advent of the digital: Netflix bucked the trend this year by releasing Beasts of No Nation on VOD and in cinemas concurrently, much to the outcry of greedy bastards everywhere - the biggest surprise being that it was actually good - and Spike Lee plans to release his latest, Chi-Raq, on Amazon Video. And Tangerine showed that you could have a budget that would barely cover a weekly shop at Morrisons and still make a good film.
Of course, Netflix has also signed a deal with Adam Sandler, just in case you were getting too optimistic about the future of cinema. But there's still a lot to be hopeful for. One of the undeniably noticeable trends of the year was to do with representation, namely that of women, both in front of and behind the camera. Yeah, most big name female auteurs were in-between projects, but the emerging evidence of wage discrepancies between genders at least led to a debate, even if not much was really solved. It was also reflected in some of the year's finest films, particularly Carol - which also, coincidentally, featured the least patronising depiction of a female-female relationship I've ever seen. Still, in general, film is lagging behind ground-breaking works of television like Transparent, Orange is the New Black, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and even the surprisingly good Jessica Jones, in terms of getting to grips with gender- and sexuality-based issues.
So, in light of this mess, I will conclude with this: 2015 was a year. A year in which films were released. And I have decided to hand out some arbitrary awards to some of those films. Enjoy.
FILM OF THE YEAR
Nominees:
Amy
Carol
Inherent Vice
The Lobster
The Look of Silence
Mad Max: Fury Road
Song of the Sea
The Tale of Princess Kaguya
Whiplash
World of Tomorrow
AND THE WINNER IS...
TIE: Carol and Mad Max: Fury Road.
A.k.a. Mad Carol: Quietly Repressed Sadness Road. Two amazing films that could not be more different - their only point of comparison being that they involve people who occasionally drive cars - but that, in their own way, sum up the best the year had to offer. They were both films whose action was equally thrilling, in spite of the fact that one was a violent car-chase extravaganza and the other a dignified period piece - perhaps because both treated their (mostly female) characters with sincerity and respect, and because their vivid cinematic landscapes were both brought to life by filmmakers and actors at the top of their game. In short, both Carol and Mad Max: Fury Road were pure cinema, and easily my favourite films of 2015.
But hey, don't take just my word for it! Here are some of the most enthusiastic reviews from each film's comment section on Metacritic.com:
Carol
Mad Max: Fury Road
BEST DIRECTOR
Nominees:
Ana Lily Amirpour for A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night
David Robert Mitchell for It Follows
George Miller for Mad Max: Fury Road
Steven "Done-Done-It-Again-Y'All" Spielberg for Bridge of Spies
Todd Haynes for Carol
Yorgos Lanthimos for The Lobster
AND THE WINNER IS...
Todd Haynes for Carol. Whoops, wrong photo...
There we go. Look at that magnificent face. Doesn't it just scream "Compassionate Purveyor of the Impossible to Categorise Elements of Sexuality and Gender through Entirely Wonderful Works of Cinema that Capture the Human Soul at its Most Exposed"? It does to me.
BEST ACTRESS
Nominees:
Cate Blanchett in Carol
Charlize Theron in Mad Max: Fury Road
Emily Blunt in Sicario
Greta Gerwig in Mistress America
Karidja Touré in Girlhood
Nina Hoss in Phoenix
Rooney Mara in Carol
AND THE WINNER IS...
Rooney Mara, a.k.a. "Rooney Tunes", in Carol.
Good year for leading female roles, eh? Anyway, I know it's not really fair to nominate two actress for the same film. But when Rooney Mara inevitably gets nominated for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress, I want everyone to know what complete bullshit it is. The entire point of Carol is that the two main characters are equals, who might fluctuate in the balance for power and control in the course of their relationship, but ultimately land in a place of mutual respect and love. Cate Blanchett's been on all the best posters and production stills - and I'd like to qualify that she is bloody wonderful, even if we don't need a reminder every five minutes. But in terms of growth, in terms of doing something new and original and exciting, it's Rooney Mara who's won me over as - quite frankly - the best performance of 2015.
Nina Hoss in Phoenix
Rooney Mara in Carol
AND THE WINNER IS...
Rooney Mara, a.k.a. "Rooney Tunes", in Carol.
Good year for leading female roles, eh? Anyway, I know it's not really fair to nominate two actress for the same film. But when Rooney Mara inevitably gets nominated for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress, I want everyone to know what complete bullshit it is. The entire point of Carol is that the two main characters are equals, who might fluctuate in the balance for power and control in the course of their relationship, but ultimately land in a place of mutual respect and love. Cate Blanchett's been on all the best posters and production stills - and I'd like to qualify that she is bloody wonderful, even if we don't need a reminder every five minutes. But in terms of growth, in terms of doing something new and original and exciting, it's Rooney Mara who's won me over as - quite frankly - the best performance of 2015.
Alright, I'll shut up about Carol now.
THE NICOLAS CAGE AWARD FOR BEST ACTOR
Nominees:
Abraham Attah in Beasts of No Nation
Fat Colin Farrell in The Lobster
Joaquin Phoenix in Inherent Vice
Johannes Kuhnke in Force Majeure
Michael Fassbender in Every Bloody Film Ever Advertised on the Side of a Bus
Shia LaBeouf in #ALLMYMOVIES
Tom Hiddleston in Crimson Peak
AND THE WINNER IS...
Colin "Schlubby and Tubby" Farrell in The Lobster.
Seriously, everyone always talks about when an actor slims down for a role, or when they put on loads of muscle. But what about when an actor gets really fat? Any old Matthew McConaughey or Christian Bale can look like Skeletor one minute and Johnny Bravo the next, but it takes a really talented actor to commit to looking like a completely pathetic sack of shit for a film, just to maximize laughs and pathos. And Fat Colin Farrell is genuinely the funniest thing I've seen all year. He's funny when he's being dry-humped by the hotel maid. He's funny when he kicks a child. Hell, he's even funny when he's just sitting by a pool, his belly obscuring our view of his crotch. His performance makes me forget he was once in Alexander, and shows that real weight matters just as much as dramatic weight. Sorry, Jonah Hill.
THE NICOLAS CAGE AWARD FOR BEST ACTOR
Nominees:
Abraham Attah in Beasts of No Nation
Fat Colin Farrell in The Lobster
Joaquin Phoenix in Inherent Vice
Johannes Kuhnke in Force Majeure
Michael Fassbender in Every Bloody Film Ever Advertised on the Side of a Bus
Tom Hiddleston in Crimson Peak
AND THE WINNER IS...
Colin "Schlubby and Tubby" Farrell in The Lobster.
Seriously, everyone always talks about when an actor slims down for a role, or when they put on loads of muscle. But what about when an actor gets really fat? Any old Matthew McConaughey or Christian Bale can look like Skeletor one minute and Johnny Bravo the next, but it takes a really talented actor to commit to looking like a completely pathetic sack of shit for a film, just to maximize laughs and pathos. And Fat Colin Farrell is genuinely the funniest thing I've seen all year. He's funny when he's being dry-humped by the hotel maid. He's funny when he kicks a child. Hell, he's even funny when he's just sitting by a pool, his belly obscuring our view of his crotch. His performance makes me forget he was once in Alexander, and shows that real weight matters just as much as dramatic weight. Sorry, Jonah Hill.
THE NICOLAS CAGE AWARD FOR WORST ACTOR
Nominees:
Chris "Mumbly Muscle Man Who is Also a Hacker" Hemsworth in Blackhat
Kevin "Has He Ever Actually Been Funny?" James in Paul Blaaarght: Mall Cop 2
Liam "Schindler's Pissed" Neeson in Tak-three-n
Schmadam "Yes I'm Re-Using This Gag" Blandler in The Ridiculous 6
AND THE WINNER/LOSER IS...
Sandler, Sandler, a million times Sandler.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Nominees:
Alicia Vikander in Ex Machina
Daisy Ridley in Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Kristen Stewart in Clouds of Sils Maria
Marion Cotillard in Macbeth
Olivia Coleman in The Lobster
Viola Davis in Blackhat
AND THE WINNER IS...
Marion Cotillard in Macbeth.
Having previously considered her as "that annoying French woman who ruins Christopher Nolan films", I really had to re-evaluate my opinion of Cotillard after Macbeth. A few issues I had with Justin Kurzel's adaptation aside (namely some slow-mo battle scenes that wouldn't have been out of place in a 30 Seconds to Mars music video), her portrayal of Lady Macbeth as a foreign bride suffering from the loss of a child was original and wholly captivating - even outshining Michael Fassbender, who spent a bit too much time talking to his beard. Now if only Juliette Binoche would play Cleopatra or something, all might be right with the world.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Nominees:
Idris Elba in Beasts of No Nation
J.K. Simmons in Whiplash
Josh Brolin in Inherent Vice
Mark Rylance in Bridge of Spies
Ricardo Darín in Wild Tales
Sam Elliott in Grandma
AND THE WINNER IS...
Idris Elba in Beasts of No Nation.
While I didn't really enjoy BONN, per se, I thought it was very good - and both Elba and Abraham Attah (nominated for Best Actor but went home empty-handed, sorry Abraham) were the best things about it, giving us something to hold on to while we watched women and children hacked to bits with machetes. In fact, I think it might be the second-best performance Elba's ever given, behind only Stringer Bell in The Wire. The way he says "commandant" in his South African accent is enough to win him the prize, but there's a great moment where he does a scary Haka-like dance to pump his soldiers up for a fight. Plus, he's the only bloke on my list from Laaandan, which is nice.
BEST SUPPORTING DOG
Nominees:
"Bitzer" in Shaun the Sheep [: The] Movie
Carlos the Crime-Fighting Dog with PTSD (really) in Max
Channing Tatum in Jupiter Ascending
The Entire Cast of White God
AND THE TOP DOG IS...
The Entire Cast of White God.
Apocalypse Bow-Wow, indeed.
NOTE: "Bitzer" in Shaun the Sheep Movie has recently been disqualified, due to the fact that a) the dog is made of plasticine, and b) his actor, "John Sparkes", only gives a voice performance. And is clearly not a real dog.
BEST ANIMATED FILM
Nominees:
Inside Out
Song of the Sea
The Tale of Princess Kaguya
World of Tomorrow
AND THE WINNER IS...
World of Tomorrow.
An amazing year for animation around the world, even if a lot of it didn't technically come out this year. Pixar roared back onto form with Inside Out, whose carefully arranged world of mind-based contraptions was one of the most imaginative I've seen in years; Studio Ghibli's Isao Takahata went out on a bittersweet, brilliant note with The Tale of Princess Kaguya; and proud Irishman Tomm Moore atoned for the fact that his debut, The Secret of Kells, looked great but had a crap story, with Song of the Sea, which looked great and had a wonderful story.
But my favourite of the bunch managed to squeeze more imagination and innovation into its 17 minute (17 MINUTE!) running time than 90% of the films released this year combined. World of Tomorrow was a career-high bit of work from Don Hertzfeldt, who I've been banging on about for ages but who still isn't a household name. He bloody well should be: in spite of the fact that you can only watch the film via rental on Vimeo, it's cinematic as anything, a tour de force of childlike imagination and wonder that says some really powerful stuff about the future while still retaining a wickedly absurd sense of humour. I loved it, and I'm sure you'll love it, too, if you give it a chance. And shell out £2.99. Hey, I never said love was free.
BEST ORDER AND ARRANGEMENT OF WORDS ON A PAGE (A.K.A. BEST SCREENPLAY)
Nominees:
The Coen Bros™ for Bridge of Spies
Noah Baumbach for Mistress America
Paul Thomas Anderson (and Thomas Pynchon) for Inherent Vice
Pete Docter, Meg LeFauve and Josh Cooley for Inside Out
Phyllis Nagy for Carol
Yorgos Lanthimos and Efthymis Filippou for The Lobster
AND THE WINNER IS...
The Lobster.
I haven't really explained why I think The Lobster is so fantastic - having missed the initial reviewing window back when it first came out - but I genuinely think it's the most original film of the year, both in its conceit and its jet-black-funny execution. A hotel for singletons who must find a mate within 40 days or be turned into an animal? Brilliant. Colin Farrell, Rachel Weisz, Ben Whishaw, and Olivia Coleman all turning in career-best comedic performances? Even better. And this is before we've even gotten to the strand of sadness and profundity running throughout the entire thing - showing us the struggle for meaningful connection in the age of Tinder, stripping back mating rituals to their deepest, most humiliating nature . Yeah, the first half in the hotel is better than the second half in the woods; but who cares when the material is this good?
LEAST BORING DOCUMENTARY
Nominees:
Amy
Beyond Clueless
Going Clear
The Look of Silence
AND THE WINNER IS...
The Look of Silence.
It's been a good year for documentaries - so good, in fact, I still haven't got around to seeing half of them. But it's hard to see how anything could top two particular films, ranking at #3 and #6 in my favourite films in the year. I was really tempted to give this award to Amy - not only did Asif Kapadia's confident collage of data and memory say some pertinent things about the nature of celebrity, but it was impossibly moving, making me cry like a little bitch at least three times. But I think it was Joshua Oppenheimer's superior follow-up to The Act of Killing that really feels like one for the history books. Subtle, anger-inducing, and filled with some insanely memorable moments - the most striking of which involving a deaf-blind old man writhing on the floor - it really might be one of the best documentaries ever made.
LINE OF THE YEAR
Nominees:
AND THE WINNER IS...
MOST DISTRACTING THING
Nominees:
Joaquin Phoenix's sideburns in Inherent Vice
The dazzling glare of J.K. Simmons' bald head in Whiplash
Oscar Isaac's spectacular dance moves in Ex Machina
Joésèph Górdôn-Bleu Lévitt's accent in The Walk
Steve Carell's stupid face in Foxcatcher
AND THE WINNER IS...
Kristen Stewart in Clouds of Sils Maria
Marion Cotillard in Macbeth
Olivia Coleman in The Lobster
Viola Davis in Blackhat
AND THE WINNER IS...
Marion Cotillard in Macbeth.
Having previously considered her as "that annoying French woman who ruins Christopher Nolan films", I really had to re-evaluate my opinion of Cotillard after Macbeth. A few issues I had with Justin Kurzel's adaptation aside (namely some slow-mo battle scenes that wouldn't have been out of place in a 30 Seconds to Mars music video), her portrayal of Lady Macbeth as a foreign bride suffering from the loss of a child was original and wholly captivating - even outshining Michael Fassbender, who spent a bit too much time talking to his beard. Now if only Juliette Binoche would play Cleopatra or something, all might be right with the world.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Nominees:
Idris Elba in Beasts of No Nation
J.K. Simmons in Whiplash
Josh Brolin in Inherent Vice
Mark Rylance in Bridge of Spies
Ricardo Darín in Wild Tales
Sam Elliott in Grandma
AND THE WINNER IS...
Idris Elba in Beasts of No Nation.
While I didn't really enjoy BONN, per se, I thought it was very good - and both Elba and Abraham Attah (nominated for Best Actor but went home empty-handed, sorry Abraham) were the best things about it, giving us something to hold on to while we watched women and children hacked to bits with machetes. In fact, I think it might be the second-best performance Elba's ever given, behind only Stringer Bell in The Wire. The way he says "commandant" in his South African accent is enough to win him the prize, but there's a great moment where he does a scary Haka-like dance to pump his soldiers up for a fight. Plus, he's the only bloke on my list from Laaandan, which is nice.
BEST SUPPORTING DOG
Nominees:
"Bitzer" in Shaun the Sheep [: The] Movie
Carlos the Crime-Fighting Dog with PTSD (really) in Max
Channing Tatum in Jupiter Ascending
The Entire Cast of White God
AND THE TOP DOG IS...
The Entire Cast of White God.
Apocalypse Bow-Wow, indeed.
NOTE: "Bitzer" in Shaun the Sheep Movie has recently been disqualified, due to the fact that a) the dog is made of plasticine, and b) his actor, "John Sparkes", only gives a voice performance. And is clearly not a real dog.
BEST ANIMATED FILM
Nominees:
Inside Out
Song of the Sea
The Tale of Princess Kaguya
World of Tomorrow
AND THE WINNER IS...
World of Tomorrow.
An amazing year for animation around the world, even if a lot of it didn't technically come out this year. Pixar roared back onto form with Inside Out, whose carefully arranged world of mind-based contraptions was one of the most imaginative I've seen in years; Studio Ghibli's Isao Takahata went out on a bittersweet, brilliant note with The Tale of Princess Kaguya; and proud Irishman Tomm Moore atoned for the fact that his debut, The Secret of Kells, looked great but had a crap story, with Song of the Sea, which looked great and had a wonderful story.
But my favourite of the bunch managed to squeeze more imagination and innovation into its 17 minute (17 MINUTE!) running time than 90% of the films released this year combined. World of Tomorrow was a career-high bit of work from Don Hertzfeldt, who I've been banging on about for ages but who still isn't a household name. He bloody well should be: in spite of the fact that you can only watch the film via rental on Vimeo, it's cinematic as anything, a tour de force of childlike imagination and wonder that says some really powerful stuff about the future while still retaining a wickedly absurd sense of humour. I loved it, and I'm sure you'll love it, too, if you give it a chance. And shell out £2.99. Hey, I never said love was free.
BEST ORDER AND ARRANGEMENT OF WORDS ON A PAGE (A.K.A. BEST SCREENPLAY)
Nominees:
The Coen Bros™ for Bridge of Spies
Noah Baumbach for Mistress America
Paul Thomas Anderson (and Thomas Pynchon) for Inherent Vice
Pete Docter, Meg LeFauve and Josh Cooley for Inside Out
Phyllis Nagy for Carol
Yorgos Lanthimos and Efthymis Filippou for The Lobster
AND THE WINNER IS...
The Lobster.
I haven't really explained why I think The Lobster is so fantastic - having missed the initial reviewing window back when it first came out - but I genuinely think it's the most original film of the year, both in its conceit and its jet-black-funny execution. A hotel for singletons who must find a mate within 40 days or be turned into an animal? Brilliant. Colin Farrell, Rachel Weisz, Ben Whishaw, and Olivia Coleman all turning in career-best comedic performances? Even better. And this is before we've even gotten to the strand of sadness and profundity running throughout the entire thing - showing us the struggle for meaningful connection in the age of Tinder, stripping back mating rituals to their deepest, most humiliating nature . Yeah, the first half in the hotel is better than the second half in the woods; but who cares when the material is this good?
LEAST BORING DOCUMENTARY
Nominees:
Amy
Beyond Clueless
Going Clear
The Look of Silence
AND THE WINNER IS...
The Look of Silence.
It's been a good year for documentaries - so good, in fact, I still haven't got around to seeing half of them. But it's hard to see how anything could top two particular films, ranking at #3 and #6 in my favourite films in the year. I was really tempted to give this award to Amy - not only did Asif Kapadia's confident collage of data and memory say some pertinent things about the nature of celebrity, but it was impossibly moving, making me cry like a little bitch at least three times. But I think it was Joshua Oppenheimer's superior follow-up to The Act of Killing that really feels like one for the history books. Subtle, anger-inducing, and filled with some insanely memorable moments - the most striking of which involving a deaf-blind old man writhing on the floor - it really might be one of the best documentaries ever made.
LINE OF THE YEAR
Nominees:
Stinger Apini (Sean Bean) in philosophically mature Jupiter Ascending.
Rome (Jada Pinkett Smith) in conflict-free humparama Magic Mike XXL.
Fletcher (J.K. Simmons) in pseudo buddy-comedy Whiplash.
Steve Jobs (Michael Fassbender) in verbose stageplay Steve Jobs.
AND THE WINNER IS...
MOST DISTRACTING THING
Nominees:
Joaquin Phoenix's sideburns in Inherent Vice
The dazzling glare of J.K. Simmons' bald head in Whiplash
Oscar Isaac's spectacular dance moves in Ex Machina
Joésèph Górdôn-Bleu Lévitt's accent in The Walk
Steve Carell's stupid face in Foxcatcher
AND THE WINNER IS...
Saturday, 19 December 2015
REVIEW: The Ridiculous 6
The Ridiculous 6 is the latest Schmadam Blandler joint, and it's every bit as vacuous, misogynistic, racist, and downright unfunny as you'd expect from its premise. It's a mock-Western of sorts, and Sandler plays a white guy raised by Native Americans (whose names, cultures, and personalities are tackled with an insensitivity that would make Buffalo Bill blush). He recruits a wacky band of misfits when his father (Nick Nolte) is kidnapped by, well, Mexicans, or something. Turns out all the misfits are, in fact, Sandler's brothers, so they form a loose bond as they travel from town to town, robbing banks and...oh, what's the point. Either you can predict what happens, or you don't care.
I don't really understand Sandler. He's like the Steven Seagal of comedy, a mess of ego and smug pretentiousness that actively undermines any sense of worth from his work by outright refusing to do anything that might paint him in a bad light. What is at all funny about a guy with supernatural combat abilities, with a beautiful, cardboard cut-out of a wife, and a complete lack of any tangible flaws whatsoever? Some talented people try their best to at least raise a half-smile - Steve Buscemi, Terry Crews, John Turturro, even Harvey Keitel - but all are roped into furthering Sandler's agenda to become the biggest cunt on the planet, and none of them are given any real jokes. Aside, of course, from taking the Your Highness approach to comedy, where people in period costume talk like they're from Baltimore. Oh, can you imagine the hilarity? Watching a film like this in a crowded cinema at least conveys a sense of mutual suffering, if not laughs. But watching the film on Netflix, on your own, in silence, sees the film die a painful, protracted, twitching death. Not good.
★
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